24 February 2011

What can $40000 buy, aside from an expensive lobster juicer?

I'm not sure what a hypothetical "happy lobster farm" advocate would say about the Regent Grand Hotel's $40,000 lobster press. On the other hand, it is amusing to speculate:

Yes, our lobsters get only the best. After a jacuzzi of scalding hot spring water, we dry them off with a 90lb, solid silver lobster press which removes all of their juices. How I wish I were one of these lobsters.

I don't know why, but speaking of juices: the AOL luxury blog Luxist seems to be drooling over the lobster press. (Does AOL still print those useless CDs?) It's not clear to me why anyone needs a $40,000 device to extract bodily fluids from a lobster. Never mind one that requires two attendants to operate. Before any one of my readers has to address the cruel and needless scalding of lobsters... couldn't they just use a sheet of tinfoil and a really heavy book? Perhaps there's a reason there's only five of these monstrosities.

Nobody should be surprised by this extravagant waste. There aren't any nutrients to be found in lobster flesh that one can't get without lobster flesh. (Here they are. Yikes, that's a lot of cholesterol.) The reason patrons of the Regent Grand Hotel eat lobster is for pleasure. Pleasure at the expense of the suffering and death of sentient beings. From their perspective, what's another $40,000 to add to the spectacle?

Am I wrong about the utility of this device? If there are any wayward seafood chefs or vegans with former experience in lobster preparation, feel free to weigh in and correct my ignorance.

Michael Schnier
Michael went vegan in May of 2010 while shopping for his weekly groceries. Michael is a communications studies undergrad at Carleton University and spends too much of his time arguing on the internet. When not butting heads, Michael can be found reading Vertigo comics, listening to the Smiths, and writing bad poetry. Follow Michael on his Tumblr blog.

Photo credit: cc: flickr.com/photos/deedoucette