Gee first birds fall out of the sky, then dead fish wash up on a river bank in Arkansas, then McDonalds decides to offer healthy food for breakfast. We’re doomed!
In what is possibly another sign of the apocalypse, McDonalds has added oatmeal as an option to its breakfast menu nationwide. Yes, oatmeal, a heart healthy, cholesterol lowering food. Why, it’s not only the opposite of all the other food they serve, it’s the antidote to the rest of their menu offerings. (Though, who knows how much oatmeal you would have to consume to counteract the damage of eating a couple of Big Macs.)
McDonalds claims they are offering the new “100% Natural” Fruit and Maple Oatmeal item as a “portable, affordable and balanced breakfast solution to help customers start their day right," and not as some kind of shady deal they made with the king of the underworld to protect them from the current state of apocalyptic affairs.
Just to be sure, I went to their website to investigate the ingredients of this so-called oatmeal further. Oatmeal, check, raisins, check, sulfur dioxide - sodium phosphate - datem - sodium stearoyl lactylate - sodium citrate - carrageenan – huh? Those preservatives don’t sound very natural. What’s more, the “healthy” new offering has 290 calories and a whopping 32 grams of sugar.
That’s right McDonalds has Mcscrewed up oatmeal. Phew, then maybe all is right with the world after all.