09 November 2010

Arizona restaurant offers free meals to customers who weigh over 350 pounds

A fast food establishment that features menu items such as the Quadruple Bypass Burger, Flatliner Fries (fried in lard) and even No Filter Cigarettes is offering free food to anyone who weighs more than 350 pounds.

The helplessly irresponsible purveyor in question, the Heart Attack Grill in Chandler Ariz., has even enlisted the services of a 600 pound man to serve as its spokesperson in a YouTube commercial entitled “The Heart Attack Grill Diet Program.”

According to The Arizona Republic, the larger than life star of the ad, Blair River, is earning 100 smackers per hour to help promote the restaurant’s campaign—hopefully that money is being stashed away for his impending medical procedures.

The wannabe viral video shows River with a pair of normal sized khakis tossed over his right shoulder underscored by a prominent graphic revealing the man’s scale shattering weight of 570 pounds.

In an oh so clever twist full of irony and whimsy River says, "Other diets don't deliver results but I have made incredible progress on the Heart Attack Grill diet.” He then holds up the pants that are obviously meant for a much more svelte individual and declares, “A couple of months ago I was wearing these.”

Ha! Did you see what they did there? Yes brilliant isn’t it.

The video also features Jon Basso, the founder of the Heart Attack Grill who just happens to be a former nutritionist and former owner of seven Jenny Craig Weight Loss Centers in Oklahoma.

Basso, dressed as a physician, then proceeds to one up the hilarity by giving his faux expert opinion.

“No dangerous yo-yo syndrome I personally guarantee a stable upward progression of body weight while you are enjoying great tasting foods like a double bypass burger and flatliner fries, along with a cold beer and cigarette, it’s a diet program that you can stick to for life.”

The rest of the production includes a scantily clad nurse—the servers at the Heart Attack Grill are women clothed in sexy nurse outfits—and a voiceover disclaimer full of wit and jocularity.

Because hey since we all know that heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and stroke are always fodder for knee slapping humor here are a few stats to giggle over:

According to the American Heart Association:

Final 2006 statistics for the United States show that coronary heart disease (CHD) is the single leading cause of death in America. CHD causes heart attack and angina.

Mortality — 425,425 deaths in the United States in 2006 (about one of every six deaths).
Incidence — 1,255,000 new and recurrent coronary attacks per year. (National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute's Atherosclerotic Risk in Communities [ARIC] Study and Cardiovascular Health Study (CHS). About 34 percent of people who experience a coronary attack in a given year die from it.
Prevalence — 17,600,000 victims of angina (chest pain due to coronary heart disease), heart attack and other forms of coronary heart disease are still living (9,200,000 males and 8,400,000 females).

Please if you are over 350 pounds seek help from a registered dietician and for the love of all that is holy stay away from places like the Heart Attack Grill.

Eric Fortney | @elfortney | email
Eric is the co-founder and executive editor of the animal rights and eco-friendly news source, This Dish Is Veg. In addition to his work at TDIV, Eric is a father of three, runner, and lover of the outdoors.

Photo credit: video screen capture