30 December 2009

'Animal rights’ will compel Ted Nugent to slaughter more in 2010

(photo credit: cc: flickr.com/photos/thetoad01)

Royal Flush Magazine recently interviewed Ted Nugent, who is well known for his passionate defense of hunting and unrestricted gun ownership.

While delving inside the mind of Nugent the magazine was able to discover who the sportsman is “hating most these days.” His answer? Pam Anderson.

“Pam, if you get the d*ck out of your mouth for 2 minutes, you’re telling me I can’t eat venison? You don’t authorize venison,” explained the rocker.

Nugent continued, “Here’s the point, this is what I want somewhere in your little interview. My name is Ted Nugent and because of Pam Anderson and because of Bill Maher and because of Paul McCartney, all the members of PETA, whenever I hear the word animal or rights in the same paragraph, I’m killing an extra hundred of something this year.

“I have unlimited deer tags in Michigan and Texas, and I don’t even need to kill them really, but I’m going to for Bill Maher. I’m not just killing them I’m f*cking slaughtering them and I’m going to gut them and skin them, quarter them and butcher them and feed them to the soup kitchen and homeless shelters of America. Not because I need to, because it will cause Bill Maher to sh*t blood. That’s my goal in life.”

When asked to expand upon his dislike for Bill Maher, Nugent described how he plans to scrape the remains of dead vermin off the soles of his boots and onto Maher’s desk. “I’m stymied to come up with anything funnier than people who think animals have rights. Just stick an arrow through their lungs.”

Nugent continued his rant by elucidating his belief that tofu manufacturing and consumption are more destructive than hunting and meat-eating. “I believe that every bowl of tofu is responsible for the death of billions of things.”

The Royal Flush phone interview concluded with the rocker’s belief that President Barack Obama is a communist who should be jailed, those who don’t see the beauty in hunting are retarded, Rolling Stone Magazine’s publisher Jann Wenner should die, and cartoon animals should be afforded animal rights. Follow me on Twitter