25 January 2011

Hawaiian woman kills peacock, uses sleep deprivation defense

Picture the most violent Roadrunner cartoon you ever witnessed as a child and then take that to the next level and you might have an idea of what went down recently in Makaha Valley, Hawaii with a raging senior citizen and a peacock.

Claiming severe sleep deprivation, 70-year-old Sandra Maloney chased down the brilliantly feathered bird, clubbed it to death with a baseball bat and then threw it into some nearby bushes out of the way of pedestrians. She was arrested later when she went back to retrieve the bird and carry it back to her condo to cook it. Maloney said she killed the bird because a flock of the peacocks had been squawking so loudly outside her window, she hadn’t slept for months.

"I just lost it. I never knew I could move so fast," Maloney told the Honolulu Star Advertiser.

Seriously? The only reason the senior citizen was able to catch up with the bird was because it paused for a second to defecate in a barbeque pit. We’re hoping the second degree misdemeanor for cruelty to animals she was slapped with by a judge brings the full sentence of a year in jail and a $2000 fine. That should buy a few more peacocks for the condo association and a fair amount of time for Maloney to receive some much needed therapy.

Kathryn Lorusso
Kathryn is a former journalist and English teacher who now counsels and mediates teenage drama on a daily basis in the Dallas, Ft. Worth metroplex. Time away from school is spent cooking up new macrobiotic/vegan specialties, writing various blogs and newsletters and taking as many bikram yoga classes as possible.

Photo credit:cc:flickr.com/photos/mulazimoglu